Archive for July, 2012

Pig Heaven

Tuesday, July 31st, 2012

Does it get much better? Saturday sex with my TGF, then Sunday the circus with my GGF and her kids, at the Honda Center, where there were PETA members waiting to give us anti circus fliers with pictures of tortured baby elephants. Inside everything they could think of to market was whittled down to popcorn $8.00, cotton candy with a circus rave hat $12, a whirling electrical toy that looked like a bunch of used condoms when it wasn’t whirling $22, and some flashing Icee drink that I didn’t try. The kids fought violently over the whirling toy. Sister and brother battling it out in classic sibling rivalry, pure id power, with mom playing referee and me blithely pretending not to notice. As we walked out, a kid pawned his PETA coloring book on me, saying “it’s a coloring book” as if I was retarded. Thinking it was a circus coloring book, and a real score, when I got outside I realized the full extent of the pawn off, that kid was repudiating PETA and laughing at me at the same time for thinking he, a total stranger, would give me, a total stranger, a genuine Barnum, Baily, and Ringling Brothers Circus picture book, what a tool.

Then Monday afternoon a job interview with a Persian guy where I get to really talk about politics. I was having a great conversation about Syria, Egypt, Iraq and Iran. I was certainly enjoying myself and now I realize that this guy probably thought I was a nutcase or near terrorist. I was talking about being a socialist, as the original Baathists were, and I reminded him of that, also appreciating Osama Bin Laden’s luck, or gall or sheer intelligence. I did say I liked the developments in Egypt but I was worried that the secular forces were limited to the military like Turkey. Turns out he was a son of a General in the Shahs military. His whole family left Iran to live in LA. Never tell a potential boss what you really think….I broke the first rule of working class relations with capitalists and their henchmen. It was so refreshing though to speak my mind as if somebody really respected my opinion, not just in the classroom but for real. It has been too many years as a mentally downtrodden serf that I lived lies about myself. I called them different aspects of my personality. I liked to pretend that it didn’t matter that I hid whole aspects of myself to the world. I guess the addiction was a way of dealing with it by deep psychic burial. Oh, yeah then after the job interview I went to dinner with a new Tgirl, black again, I do like black girls, we had Chinese and I liked the way she returned a plate of food she didn’t like. Then we went for a long ride to the other side of Palos Verdes Hill, walked around Fort Funston where she froze her ass off, and then went back to Torrance where she made a blunt and I even smoked a couple hits before we went into a store where she tried on dresses and then bought some after wandering around like stoned kids. I was lost half the time, then I got a grip, getting lost in a Fallas store, how embarrassing. I must admit, I did like looking at the colors of the dresses against her fine ass. But I was stoned, really stoned, I could hardly drive, I kept forgetting where I was, reading signs on the road and meditating on their meaning, “405 straight ahead, 710 right lane. I wonder what that means…damn I am spacing out! Straight.” That was me after I dropped her off at her place. She would have come home with me but I had a girlfriend waiting for me more or less. I was tempted to see what would happen if they were united in conflict over me, but decided not to go that route. That could backfire really bad.

It was more and less, I got home, she was radiant in copper makeup and a red highlighted wig. She was stunning like a goddess in her flimsy cotton dress. And then she was gone, with my car, as usual out with a client or friends, or at the clubs, which means work, smoking dope or recruiting….that girl can make some money! I just want some of it to come my way.
Anyway it was fun to be with her stoned, I told her so, and she thought it was cool. We played around for a few minutes and then she split after making sure I got to observe her in all her goddessness. My little call girl girlfriend.

Earlier that very evening, I was having realizations, in the Fallas store where the new tgirl was seducing me with sexual images in the dresses, which I am sure I noticed because I was stoned. It made going shopping entertaining. I liked the way she innovated, when there were no dressing rooms or mirrors to see herself in, she innovated, taking a mirror for sale and propping it up creating a temporary fashion fantasy. I tripped on it. Once I got over my fear that we would be accused of being shoplifters, me the worry wart. Stoned paranoid reaction, but I was entertained, more than I ever had in recent years whilst shopping with a girl determined to have fun. I did too, I felt young and probably foolish, as I was really stoned.


Saturday, July 28th, 2012

I am horny and have a big ego. I still think I am attractive and desirable. I know my body is falling apart. But I still imagine myself as being in the flower of youth. Could be why I still keep a toe in the Anarchist movement and go to Communist meetings and pray to Krishna and live with a T-girlfriend and still have my straight girlfriend and go to school and try to write a book and look for a job and do dialysis as if it is just a minor inconvenience and not the life threatening condition that it is. I am what you would call an optimistic pessimist. This prophecy thing I wrote about the other day. That is some kind of vanity of mine. Since my life hasn’t amounted to much more than a series of rambles and adventures, I keep thinking I have some secret purpose. This kind of thinking was encouraged when I was in the spiritual community as a teenager. It is a real ego boost to think you are carrying the Shekhinah around with you, or that you (me) are one of some chosen group who will save civilization when it collapses, as it should have by now.

Its pretty laughable in the light of day. But there are plenty of preachers out there who feel full of the spirit. I counteract that egotistical view by taking a firmly atheistic and hopefully scientific perspective on things. I just took a logic class, did alright but I was not the A student I thought I would be. I did ace the geography class, but that for me was a no brainer. I really like the Earth sciences, geography, and I am trying out Geology next semester if I don’t get a job by then.

The flip side of my spiritual musings is the revolutionary side of me, as a true radical I was attracted to the more extreme forms of anarchism and communism. I wanted to see total transformation, like my visions on Acid. Sort of a secular Jesus Commune. Again more vanity, I thought as a youth that I would be part of a world transformation and become a commissar in the new system. All I ended up doing was using my beliefs to blame my failure on the capitalist system. I failed. I chose bad relationships with women who were mentally unstable or were unfit for human consumption. Now I am trying to see if I am better suited to a relationship with a transsexual and at the same time keeping my other girlfriend because I am not sure I really like all this third sex shit. After all these “girls” are hyping their own belief that they are some third way. I would like to believe it, sort of a continuation of the Velvet Underground’s “New Age” mentality. I took a lot of drugs as a teenager, and into my twenties, thirties, forties and even my early fifties before I was forced to slow down. What that has to do with Transsexual liberation, is probably part of my perpetual adolescence. I really want to believe that this is real and it seems the social world is making room for one more group of misfits. My early pubescent masturbatory fantasies were of sex changes and S/M. Where I got those ideas in the mid 1960’s is still a mystery to me. I know a lot of it probably came from reading the Grove Press editions of De Sade which I managed to purchase in a little book store by the train station in my home town, Fairfield, CT. New York City was only a 45 minute train ride away.

I take a “show me” attitude, while I dive right in, like I did with the Hare Krishna’s. I was willing to put on the robe and shave my head and learn a few chants and go to the temple and have some godly experiences in India, but still, I was doubtful. A regular doubting Thomas. It is not that I don’t want to believe, its that I don’t want to get burned. I fell for that spiritual stuff in the Emissaries of Divine Light, even went through their program to become a priest. Ultimately I simply didn’t buy the program. Where are they now? Only a few remnants left, an old friend of mine is living on their ranch, he is my age, almost ready for retirement. At least he got to be a good family guy. I sucked at family life. I have two sons and barely know them. One is adult and won’t speak to me, the other is a teenager in France and can’t come here because the state won’t let him until he is 18. Then I will have to deal with an adult stranger in my place, assuming I have a place.

I do believe in some modified form of socialism, social justice and limited democracy. I am sorry but I have been in enough meetings to have my doubts about direct democracy. It is too messy. On the other hand if you don’t really want to accomplish much, it is perfect. I have too much ego, I know what must be done, even when I don’t have a clue. The trick is to act as if you know what you are talking about….

Hype And Prophecy

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

I need to keep my focus. A friend of mine is trying to pressure me into doing what he thinks is good for me. He wants me to write my damn book. It has become the bane of my existence. Who would have thought that a desire of mine would become the weight dragging me down. I will try again this fall. I will take another writing class. Meantime I have classes, girlfriends and life to live. I have this dialysis to do. I have a desire to participate politically and to keep up with my independent reading. All this and make sure the income stream doesn’t dry up. I have to look for work. I applied for several jobs but even when they seemed interested as soon as I mentioned the dialysis that was it, no more call backs.

The time comes when all this will be meaningless, it is getting closer all the time. We are like moths before the flame, or like a ship of fools. Only some old native american brujo might have an inkling. I have been asleep almost all my life, but the alien within is bursting out and with comes the good or bad news.

We mostly know the story, Mayan prophecy, biblical tales, Hindu prayers. All I have done is spend half my life around that shit. Mostly not believing any of it, but knowing in my bones that the truth was there somewhere. Right now I am insisting on the scientific method, just to see if it gets me out of the rabbit hole. We shall see.

$21 Trillion Hidden In Offshore Accounts By Rich

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

Today on NPR and later watching RT news I was informed about the amount of money that may be in tax shelters overseas. It is quite a bit. The RT news reporter was trying to link this with the lack of jobs in the USA as the super rich are the “job creators” as the Republican advocates of lower taxes for the rich keep reminding us. I am not so sure this is where jobs come from. They are created by personal managers of companies when the demand from customers and consumers exceeds the capabilities of the current staff of a given company. In a time of low demand the rich are simply cycling their money into shelters where it can sit tax free. Governments should be aggressively pursuing policies that increase demand by pumping money into the economy, by policies that force banks to make credit available and with policies that encourage companies to expand, upgrade, switch to cleaner technologies, etc. Going after that money in the tax havens is well and good but if there is no plan to push economic development along, the unemployment rates will not change. Generally money is better invested than sitting in shelters, but if there is no demand, there is no point. The government must lead the way. Back in the 1930’s it took a war, the massive destruction of humanity and old European infrastructure, to clear the deck for full employment. After the war the economy was bolstered by reconstruction and the fact that several nations were unable to participate. I am not advocating another war, but perhaps with the environmental crisis we will have the equivalent level of destroyed infrastructure to induce economic development. Bring on the global sea level rise and watch the economic boom replacing all the coastal infrastructure. Increased desertification will put pressure on agriculture prices and another boom in agribusiness should result. There has to be allocation to insure the poor are not left out, socialist planning would go a long way to insure a more equitable distribution. Meantime if we eliminate the shelters, then we must initiate development and it seems that preventative green economic development is not going to work, so perhaps extreme environmental destruction will. If not we can always go to war.

From International Advisor

“Tax Justice Network says world’s wealthy hiding at least $21trn

Tax Justice Network, a UK-based organisation that campaigns against the use of “tax havens” by individuals and corporations, has released a study that finds as much as $21trn, and possibly more, is being kept out of the hands of tax authorities around the world.
The $21trn figure was described as being the size of the US and Japanese economies combined.

The Price of Offshore Revisited was written by James Henry, a former McKinsey chief economist, and released exclusively to the UK’s Observer newspaper on Sunday.

In the report, Henry “shows that at least £13tn – perhaps up to £20tn – has leaked out of scores of countries into secretive jurisdictions such as Switzerland and the Cayman Islands with the help of private banks, which vie to attract the assets of so-called high net-worth individuals,” the Observer article reports.

“Their wealth is, as Henry puts it, ‘protected by a highly paid, industrious bevy of professional enablers in the private banking, legal, accounting and investment industries taking advantage of the increasingly borderless, frictionless global economy’. ”

The report finds that the world’s top 10 private banks, including institutions that have been the spotlight of US and UK tax authorities recently, such as Switzerland’s UBS, as well as the US investment bank Goldman Sachs, “managed more than £4tn in 2010, a sharp rise from £1.5tn five years earlier”, the Observer points out.”—regulation/tax-justice-network-says-worlds-wealthy-hiding

The report from TaxJustice.Net can be accessed by this link.

Long Time Since

Saturday, July 21st, 2012

OK, this is the least of my problems, some guy in Colorado thinking he is the joker. I have noticed in school that a lot of the kids are having trouble telling the difference between fairy tales and reality. Trolls, unicorns, angels, and devils are fantasy. Perhaps I have just lost my guardian angel and am in some cosmic form of denial. Perhaps… meantime there is a guy in the Logic class I am attending who seems to believe in some variation on the Atlantis story. The teacher makes a point of making sure everyone knows that even if some arguments are logical, by the Aristotlian system, the subject must be real in time. It is a logical fallacy to believe that something like a troll exists, just because it is portrayed in some fantasy film or game. But I am griping about the consensus reality when it may be shifting. If the vast majority decide that science should be limited to answering engineering problems of technique, then we shall no longer try to find answers to the big questions of existence by some scientific method. We could go back to the visions of mystics or chanting of monks. Certainly their magical version of the universe may be more comforting emotionally, if intellectually stifling.

I am more concerned with the state of global climate change. It is tempting to simply sit back and watch, after all I am disabled and realistically what can I do? But I am on lots of environmentalist lists and it has been drilled into my subconscious mind that this is important stuff, just as feminism, anti-racism, and some kind of socialism. I sometimes wish I could go back to the days when I was an innocent, but then I would be a prepubescent child again, at least mentally.

I have been busy with school, attempting to grow mentally to some form of adulthood. More likely perhaps a juvenile position. I have spent decades fooling around with reality. Denying that I had a place, feeling as if some god had given me a raw deal over the way some pet was treated when I was 11. Whatever that means. Each of us is as valuable as we are willing to allow ourselves to be. Not in financial terms but in essential ones. This is not spirituality so much as it is rationality. This is not some variation on you create your world, some much as it is a version of you are a part of the fabric of the universe and the more you become self aware, the more you are alive to you place in this fabric. Is this simply a substitute for a religion, some pantheistic substitute for a belief in God? It could be but mostly it is an attempt to translate popular interpretations of the latest in physics into some kind of day to day reality.

Ok, I am practically a mystic here. Mostly I am simply not educated enough in scientific terminology to describe this in terms that are logically valid. Having a much greater amount of experience in mystical or spiritual approaches, but that is inadequate because I want to convey the idea that this is a scientific process. Verifiable if that is possible. At this point I am simply speaking in sophistries. Unverifiable advocacy.

Its been a long time since I have written a blog post. There is a lot going on in the world, such as the battle for Syria, etc. But I am done with typing. It is late and I am tired.

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