Archive for December, 2012

Back From Hospital Again

Saturday, December 29th, 2012

They put more holes in me. My abdominal region is looking more like a construction site. Perhaps an oil well dig. With three holes now. One for my dialysis catheter that is still there as a backup, one for my abdominal tissue swelling that they put in Thursday and took out Friday and another for the behind the kidney lake of dark fluids, which is still draining. Smelly amber fluid with the odor of a sick mans urine. I have the rift valley of the kidney implant scar going across my lower abdominal wall from the right to just above my penis. Its a mess down there.

I went to Kaiser to have my stint taken out Wednesday, they didn’t like the look of it so they said wait until January. Then the Kidney doctors wanted me to check in because of the Fever I got on Christmas eve. Only had a temp of 100.5 but that was enough for them to decide I needed to come in, on Wednesday, after Christmas, no need to disturb the doctor’s holiday. Although Cedar Sinai is a Jewish hospital, they seem to let anybody with the right degrees work there. Non discriminatory in that sense. Their matzo ball soup is horrible, or perhaps that is what matzo soup is supposed to taste, a bland piece of an indefinable round ball, and noodles in clear broth without a hint of spicing or flavoring of any kind, I had a couple sips and put it aside. That is certainly something only eaten because you have too, not because you want too.

They kept me overnight and did the procedures of draining fluid Thursday afternoon after making me stay on an air only diet from midnight. Thursday am the forced me to accept an IV in my left arm, something that never worked properly and caused pain whenever they flushed it. The drainage operation in the CT room, supposedly a 20 minute procedure took over two hours. My back was killing me on that narrow hard bench, so they gave me morphine, not enough to get me loaded, just enough to take the edge off the pain in my back. Not more than 8 milligrams, I asked for a full load, 10 mg, but they are stingy with painkillers over there.

I was so wiped out after that they kept me over night and Friday afternoon they removed the abdominal drain, and sent me home. I got morphine a couple more times before I left stingy little 4 mg. doses. When I got home about 8 that night I took a couple of hydrocodones, generic Norco, and went to sleep dragging my drainage bag with me. Since then I have gotten used to it strapped to my leg or trailing behind me like a starving Biafran shadow.

Day After Christmas Look What We Have Done.

Wednesday, December 26th, 2012

I hope everyone had a good holiday. I spent mine in bed with a fever. Seems I am very susceptible to catching whatever is passing around and that is why I am supposed to wear a mask. I found myself in a crowded Trader Joes without my mask and sure enough some lady who was coughing and wheezing decided to let loose just as I was passing by. I ran from her, but it was too late. I was burning up Monday night and all day Tuesday. I just recovered around midnight after a day spend mostly sleeping. I am wide awake now at 3 am and wonder if anything is open.

I am thinking of that John Lennon song, “War is Over” they sang it on Colbert report the other night, very festive and appropriate political message, wars are still going on and seem to be accepted as normal as long as they are far away and don’t affect us personally. The war that is affecting people in the US is the atrocities committed by gun toting suicidal maniacs who are looking for glory in carnage, why is a good question, simply bored with life? As one girl sniper said after shooting up an elementary school “No more boring Mondays” that was way back around 1980. The US has been under assault by the gun ever since the Texas Tower shooting back in the mid sixties, but these are only the most noteworthy killings, certainly gang warfare in the inner cities has taken its toll and these schools now do have armed guards, metal detectors and limited access, a far cry from when I went to school and smuggling in our underground newspaper was as exciting as it got. The problem is the proliferation of guns in America and the fear mongering that goes with it. Underlying causes are the economic disparities and the sense among poorer classes that they have been left out of the American Dream. That sense of being left out has recently hit the middle classes and in despair some people turn to their guns to express their hopelessness in the face of huge debts, unemployment and a sense among whites especially of a loss of entitlement, It is as if white folks can’t get over the fact that a black President is the image of America and instead of embracing multiculturalism they reject and sulk and come out shooting in the most extreme cases.

Some of my radical friends have given up on white people in general. They see them as totally lost in consumerism and buying into the capitalist carrot and stick, but that is an oversimplification and ultimately leads nowhere. What is required is a general consciousness razing, something that can be done in the schools where many professors can present to students alternatives especially older returning students. Especially if they are not simply taking trade courses.

Generally as the squeeze on the middle classes gets more intense people will have to reevaluate what they want out of a social contract. We are not here to serve the state, the state is here to serve us. Perhaps a less militaristic America, with a greater budget going to social services would be a start. Certainly we cannot go on as the dominant military force in the world without our society suffering. With domestic oil production now growing, there is a change to pull back from the excessive dependence on the Military to protect the sea lanes and promote American Corporate values, and return to a more main street oriented society that is less militaristic.

Personal Historical Notes

Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

Bored, sort of, i am recovering slowly from a kidney transplant. I have been fortunate enough to get it after only a 2 1/2 year wait. I was told it might take 7 or 8 years. A perfect match was found in a random dead body, it had been somebody in their forties who died of a stroke, with no damage to the kidney other than keeping it on ice for a day. I was called at 4 am and told to come in when I got off my dialysis machine. That was November 20. I was released on the 25th and a month later I am still in recovery but at least now I can get out and about, supposed to wear a mask in public but I forgot it in two crowded places. I was in and out in a few minutes, but damn I am taking chances of getting an infection or pneumonia because of taking immunosuppressant drugs, they are required to keep my body from rejecting the kidney.

I am given a medication Lasix brand name for Furosemide, it makes for frequent and copious urination. This is to force the kidney to function and eliminate build ups of fluid that cause swelling of the lower legs, feet and testes. Yesterday I lost 3.5 liters of fluid. A lot of urination!

Not much to say about the world, its a wonderful Christmas present, a new lease on life, but do I want a life spent as a good boy, no drinking, no drugs, other than the doctors, probably. I have done ok without, and I guess I can do for a while longer, at least until I get the lay of the new world order. What with a new cosmic era starting and everything.

I am alone, its too much of a hassle to be around people more than for short periods, just because of the inconvenience of urination, an incision site that leaks at the most inconvenient times, and simply being tired most of the time, requiring frequent naps, especially since sleep is interrupted all night by the need to urinate.

Getting a lot of reading done.

Day After Apocalypso

Saturday, December 22nd, 2012

Nothing happened except my Yahoo account got hacked and some spam was sent out on my name. Had to tell some friends who thought it was me what happened, no biggie, but this is the third or fourth time I have had to change my Yahoo password.

So we are all here, minus the people who died over the day. Hope they are reborn in a better world, some people want to be reborn as dogs or cats, stupid I say, why would you want to spend all your time staring at people with those longing eyes, “I can’t talk, get me out of here!” I would only suggest getting hit by a car and moving on.

People are funny like that, sentimental creatures, I guess when you have no real purpose, you dote on things and creatures that are fairly indifferent. Like collecting garden gnomes or those chintzy German Hummel ceramics. Stuff like that is in my mind just mental clutter for people with nothing better to do. But then I collect books, mostly for research although I occasionally fall for one that is pure pleasure to read and own. I usually get rid of much of the stuff every few years, so my collection rarely is more than a couple of book cases worth. Mostly history and text books right now. I have a rather good selection of books on late Hellenistic period and Roman Empire, and early medieval period, I also like early modern 16th to 18th century.

I am reading something called ‘Writing LA’ an anthology of stories about the Southland. Passing the time answering ads in POF and other sites. Not really looking, but its kind of addictive. Waste of time though, I should be working on my stories. But I never send them out, I just keep reworking them over and over. At least when I am in school and a paper is due, I have to produce. I need deadlines, but for that I need an editor or some party who will force me to wrap it up and get it done. I am not so much of a procrastinator as I am a constant reviser.

Well unemployment might end with this fiscal cliff and then I will have to do something about income, hopefully I will be recovered enough from surgery to do something about it. I do enjoy my off time. I was meant to be a gentleman, not a worker.

I have worked enough. Too bad I have work in my future forever it seems.

I need a big project, something to absorb my mind in the big picture. When I was into Anarchism or Communism then I had big subjects, weighty issues. When I was on my spiritual trips I had the meaning of life. Now its winter break and without school to absorb all that excess mental energy, it goes to dreaming. I dream massively, last night I was with a band of wandering con artists, they would take their kids and string them up on some kind of old fashioned clothes line, and dangle them over traffic on a major road causing traffic to back up and then somehow they would extract money from the sitting drivers, don’t know how, I assume it was some kind of door to door begging. Last time they tried some heroic bystanders rescued the kids and thus spoiled the scam. Some dream huh.

Newtown, Fiscal Cleft Lip & Mayan Apocalypse

Friday, December 21st, 2012

When I was a kid, we used to say that if you stepped out of line, and were lucky, they, the authorities, would send you to Newtown. Back in the sixties, there was a state mental institution there, where rich kids would be sent when they got busted for drugs, or various forms of acting up that were considered to be anti-social by their families. Those of us less affluent would be sent to reform school. Newtown was the chi chi place.

I wonder, because so many rich people live in south-western Connecticut, Fairfield County to be exact, that is the reason why there is such an uproar. Newtown in and of itself was just someplace we would drive through on our way elsewhere, like the Danbury Fair, or some other place upstat, like Danny’s Tack Shop in Southbury or somewhere around there, it had another name but we always knew it by the guy who ran the place. What I remember on the main drag was churches, city hall and a giant flag pole. There were a few antique shops, and not much else. The place looked quaint in a very stuffy Congregational, Episcopalian old school sort of quaint pointed steeple sort of place. Wooden buildings painted white.

Too close for comfort, when psycho-killers come to Connecticut, bucolic Connecticut, where the New Yorkers who had made it and tired of Park Ave, would retire to the quiet woods and hills of the land of the Yankee farmers. Bug money people don’t want their kids shot down like some ghetto riff raff.

The NRA response is absurd, armed guards in all schools. They are in urban schools and all they do is monitor the halls, keeping the kids from killing one another during recess, but armed guards in all schools? As it was in Columbine there were armed guards and they didn’t do much, no match, same with Virginia Tech, there were armed campus police, and they did little. We are becoming the Homeland Security nation. Armed to the teeth, bunker mentality, driving around in armor plated vehicles with hired guns, this is becoming an even more extreme example of wealth protecting wealth and the rest of us struggling to get by on scraps. Why do I say that, because only the private schools will have the high tech, well trained security, the rest will get Joe retired cop, or Sam the local gun nut survivalist.

I am not really concerned about the NRA proposal, it simply puts out there the general absurdity of being armed to the teeth. We all need to back down and disarm before we blow one another up like some particularly violent video game.

Other news, Boehner, House Majority Leader, failed to lead his party in Plan B the raising of taxes for Millionaires, his party simply is too dedicated to those very same millionaires to raise taxes on them. He now says it is up to the Senate, and Harry Reid says, uh uh, no way, keep that hot potato in your court John. Meantime Congress goes home for Christmas and Rome continues to burn. A real fiscal cleft lip on the face of John Boehner, will he survive as Majority leader, not likely if he doesn’t pull a rabbit out of his hat.

Oh and this is 12/21/12, the latest version of the end of the world. Actually just the end of a 5000 year cycle of the Mayan Calendar. It merely indicates that it is time for a new 5000 year cycle to begin. That’s it. What else is there, why all the bruhaha? People like to scare themselves, and it sure makes for an easy solution to all your problems don’t it. Like the second coming, Armageddon’s of various sorts and then there is the generalized fear of death in the west that comes with a personal sense of insecurity as to the meaning of all our technological singularities with their super-intelligent robotic new ruling classes, and on it goes. Vonnegut had the right attitude, “and so it goes…”

Mid-Week Recovery

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

Slowly I am getting better, I go outside now, walk to the 7-11, the doctors want me to drink bottled water, I tell them its not really all that different from tap water, but there is a myth that bottled water is somehow better, just costs more and accumulates more trash, I am going to get a purification system set up. Bottled water is a rip off in my mind and bad for the environment.

I have been griping a lot about the crappy care Cedar Sinai patients get in their out patient clinics. They have us all come in at the same time, we have to wait around for hours, and see the Doctors for 5 minutes. It is really inefficient and inconsiderate of the patients time. We have to be there at 6:30 am and some days I don’t get out of there until almost noon, never before 10 am. Sitting around with a bunch of sick people in a lobby is not my idea of the ideal way to spend two days every week.

It is good to be able to urinate, mostly though it is in the middle of the night, hence little sleep. I nap in the day time a lot since I can’t be around crowds of people, ie no restaurants or movies, etc, so I stay home and recover, go out in the late evening when few people are up and about,

Cooking and reading seem to be my main activities, writing some, mostly for school but school is out until Feb. next year. I might have to find a job and forgo school, depends on if I can find some financial aid.

Girlfriend has been taking care of my grocery and laundry needs, driving me to clinic and being nice, I can’t have sex yet, I am waiting for the go ahead, apparently I will be able to drive after Thursday, it will be nice to have my car again.

No news but that Connecticut shooting, seems Newtown, CT is close enough to where the masters of the universe live to inspire them to get the politicians to do something about gun violence, maybe we get some decent gun control now, and just as I was thinking of becoming a gun nut myself.

Murder Inc.

Saturday, December 15th, 2012

With another spate in senseless massacres on the home front, the chickens, as Malcom X was known to say, have truly come home to roost. Our militaristic society, with it’s gun fetish, constant fear mongering by the media and violent entertainment coming out of Hollywood, has begun to get the results that is implicit in the nature of the beast. With the glorification of the military, CNN and other media outlets drooling over every military excursion, troops being sent all over the world for so called police actions, thus feeding the military-industrial-congressional complex and serving the needs of the corporate trade interests, the national security resource interests and the world wide intimidation interests of the American ruling classes. A few school shootings may be sad, but they are simply collateral damage, as in any war zone, there will be civilian casualties. America, that is America outside of the gated and secluded paradises of the rulers, is simply another field of action in the war of the elite against the rest of us.

Americans like to side with their elites, just as most nation state populaces do. They simply have been trained to respond to patriotic images and impulses since early youth by the so called education system. It goes against class interest where international solidarity would be the logical choice, but as we have seen in the World Wars, the state propaganda machines are simply too powerful to be countered by the feeble efforts of peace activists and international solidarity advocates. Tribal instincts to protect the home turf, the hunting range, and the biological family are simply too hard to overcome with idealistic calls for brotherhood. We like to mouth such sentiments and “It’s a small world after all” is one of those catchy jingles that once in the head, simply won’t leave, but, they are no match for a million plus years of genetic and biological programing.

Why do the gun advocates always blather and foam at the mouth when put up for public scrutiny? They represent the instinctive reptilian brain, they are not rational, they are the most basic instinctive parts of the identity, the fight or flight, eat or be eaten, portions of the brain that simply do not respond to rational thought. They are instinctive, and when instinctive brain functions are rationalized they come out as so much defensive gibberish, making points like if everyone had a loaded gun at the mall, theater, elementary school, then the wild random shooters wouldn’t stand a chance. Naturally there is no thought as to why these random expositors of violent rampages are popping up with such an inordinate frequency. It is my proposal that they are the consequence in the culture of the constant taping into the most primitive brain functions by the state-media-corporate complex, promoting greed, selfish acquisition, fear of the other, an endless war on terror, drugs, etc. these all result in the upwelling of a certain amount of rage that tends to burst forth like a volcanic explosion in anti-social but certainly militarily desirable behavior. It is simply a symptom of a certain lack of fine tuning on the part of the authorities. More tranquilizers in the water supply, more sedating foods, more sesame street socialization, crank up the ’small world’ machine and perhaps ban semi-automatic weapons, or large ammo clips or what have you, all of these band aids will not cover up the basic requirement of the elites for a mass of willing potential warriors and consumers, kept on the edge of explosive desire, competitive, aggressive and teetering on the edge of going bonkers, but a controlled bonkers. The occasional slip up, with the result being a few innocents being gunned down is regrettable and the social scientists will have to do some tinkering, but sadly necessary in the war of the few against the vast majority, keeping the 99% as they are now known under wraps, is big business and essential if the elites are to maintain their authority. Murder inc indeed.

English Origins Of Industrialism

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

I recently read “Riot, Risings And Revolution - Governance And Violence In Eighteenth Century England” by Ian Gilmour. It documents the civil unrest in England during that transitional period from traditional agricultural mode to the industrial mode. In some ways it is similar to the transformation going on now as the first world moves from the industrial mode into the computerized mode.

English workers were not going gently into the industrial world. They fought for wage increases, they battled with the authorities and the bosses, destroyed machines and rioted for better working and living conditions.

At the beginning of the period the English laws protected workers from abuses based on the old laws of noblesse oblige and the guilds. As the implementation of laissez faire took place over the course of the eighteenth century, the protections of the workers were removed legally to allow for a more flexible work force. Enclosure was not the main means of forcing the peasantry off the land and into the cities. Part of it was the agricultural revolution of the 18th century when new techniques developed mostly in Holland became popular in England and required a smaller work force to produce agricultural surpluses. This was one of the major reasons for the move to the cities by the now surplus agricultural population. Enclosure was part of the process, just not the main part. The agricultural revolution and profits from the overseas empire, especially India, the slave trade and the sugar plantations in the west indies provided additional start up capital in some areas for investment in the new industrial process.

There was also the availability of resources, coal, some iron ore, water power and canals to transport coal especially, these factors plus the newly available cheap labor, the lack of labor laws to protect this new work force and investment capital from agricultural surpluses and the overseas trade, provided the means for the midlands of England to become the first major area to experience the industrial revolution.

What does this have to do with anything? Not much, but it is something I have spent quite a bit of time studying and I like writing about stuff I have been studying. Most of my research was over a year ago, but I decided to finish this, even if it is a year later.

Tuesday Afternoon, Thoughts On Syria

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

There was a Moody Blues song titled Tuesday Afternoon. I used to like listening to them when I took acid in high school. Their music was like a guide. Straight their music is a little too sappy for my taste.

I am lying here in bed, checking emails, answering ads for jobs I will never get and generally taking it easy. Cooking and cleaning up after myself, taking pills and doing a little homework are about all I do. Reading and TV my main company. My girlfriend comes by and brings me groceries, takes me to my visits to the doctors twice a week. My roommate has been pretty scarce, he is afraid to catch something from me. It is I who has to be afraid, my immune system is lowered by the medications I take.

Looks like Obama wants an excuse to get involved more directly in Syria. The French certainly have their noses stuck in there, but I say let the Turks and other Middle Easterners take care of the problem. The Russians and Chinese will have to come along, but for now they have interests in the existing regime. Iran is the only outside power that has a vested interest in seeing the current regime stay in power. As state power collapses in countries like Mali, Libya, Yemen and now Syria it gives space for the Al Qaeda types to move in and establish beachheads.

Who are these groups, Islamic fundamentalists? Perhaps, Some would call them traditionalists seeking a restoration of the Caliphate that was destroyed as a result of the end of WW1 when the Turkish Ottoman Empire was demolished and the secular Turkish state put in its place. The fundamentalists are mostly Sunni, the more conservative religious ones have most of their support from Saudi Arabia and the other gulf states that are interested in preserving their power elites in place, justifying themselves as defenders of the faithful. Shiite interests backed by Iran are seen as a threat and their interests are different, in that they want Shiite dominance, but they all are interested in removing the dominance of the western powers and their guard dog Israel. Newly democratic states, Tunisia and Egypt have to balance between these conservative and traditional forces as well as secular Marxist and pro western middle classes. The result is a decidedly mixed bag with complexity replacing dictatorships and the old socialist alternative. Turkey may perhaps be seen as the most viable democratic model, and it would behoove the west to support Turkey by letting them enter the EU as rapidly as possible. The more integrated the Turks are with Europe the more likely they are to be ambassadors of western style democracy and industrial capitalism.

Certainly the Turks are a better model than Saudi Arabia, and Egypt is not in a position yet to lead as it is still completing its own set of reforms. A Turkish-Egyptian peacekeeping force in Syria would be ideal. Perhaps with an Iraqi component to keep Shiite interests in Syria from feeling overwhelmed by Sunni’s. Syria may go the way of Lebanon of the 1980’s with the nation divided into fiefdoms. That may simply lead to the country being gobbled up by its neighbors. More than at almost anytime it seems that it was foolish for the British and French to destroy the old Ottoman Empire, it stabilized the region for centuries.

Life Goes On

Saturday, December 1st, 2012

A week home from the hospital, I am mostly sleeping, reading, writing a little and pissing a lot. Yes pissing is my new hobby. I got used to not being able for almost three years, depending on my dialysis, now every two hours out it comes. I get to collect it in plastic containers and measure the amount and record how much every day for my doctors at the outpatient clinic at Cedar Sinai, the hospital in LA where my transplant was done. They did a good job in the hospital, nurses were attentive, food was palatable if not exactly good, and as far as I can tell the surgery went without a hitch. Out patient care is another story. They are not exactly consumer friendly. At Kaiser, my normal hospital, waits of longer than 15 minutes from appointment time are rare. The doctors and nurses are efficient and don’t make you wait around for hours. Cedar Sinai is a different story, you go in at 6:30 in the morning to get blood work, you wait maybe half an hour before they get to you, then you sit around for three or four more hours waiting to see the doctor for five minutes. The waiting area is crowded and uncomfortable. I would have thought a top rated hospital like that would treat patients better, but no, I am stuck going there for the next six months, can’t wait to get back to Kaiser.

Meantime I cook my meals, wash up after myself and rest, read and answer job ads on the internet. Got to keep looking for work, unemployment runs out soon. I am on my last renewal so its get better and get to work or get broke. School days, as much as I prefer them seem to be over for me after this session is over. Too bad, I really like being a student.

So I take my pills and keep track of my vitals, temp, blood pressure, weight, urine, blood sugar and stick an insulin needle in my arm every few hours to counteract the medication that has my blood sugar shooting through the roof. Thank god my girlfriend is available to do errands for me. She does laundry, shopping, takes me to the hospital and puts up with my general grumpiness. It hurts just to get out of bed!

As for the world, well I follow things in the middle east and far east and well all of it as much as I can, but not particularly excited about much except this false flag event the Debt Debacle that the government has paraded before us in an attempt to take away our benefits. Hell with that. I don’t want to go back to the 19th century of super rich fat cats and the rest of us struggling, not in a modern industrial society, no frigging way.


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