This Is A Crazy World.
Sometimes we make mistakes in this life and don’t even know it. Just like the health bill. It got passed in the House but has a poison Pill in it, the abortion amendment. I am one of those people who does not believe in abortion but I think a woman has the right to choose. I love kids. I like being a dad. I have not had good luck at it and I always think I must have some ill fated star hanging over me when it comes to family life. Every time I try something goes wrong.
I am in love now but the woman has left me, but not completely. She is out there somewhere and I keep thinking if only I do the just right thing she will return. I just have to cut through that Gordian Knot of the cursed bad luck that keeps us apart.
Sometimes I think it is a matter of timing. I am out of sync with time. This life seems like it is a bad dream. Once in a while I surface into the sunlight, but then I fall back in to this turbulent sleep. I am a frog that needs his princess to break the spell. Old fashioned romantic that I am, I have been getting warts waiting for that kiss. I know she is out there. She is wearing her pink jacket that I gave her. It isn’t an expensive one, but it fits her well. She is just out of reach right now, but I know one day I will wake up and she will be there my black beauty.
Meanwhile the politicians are playing hardball. The conservatives put a poison pill in the health care bill to eliminate abortion rights as the choice for support of the bill. It was a devious move because it forces liberals to swallow hard and take it or join Kucinich and vote no. It was a move on the part of the conservatives to destroy the bill or to destroy the democratic coalition by forcing democrats to chose health care for the middle class and rich, with a plan that discriminates against poor women by refusing to allow them to get access to abortions with the help of the Federal Government. It is a bitter pill for liberals setting back women’s rights a full generation if the bill passes as it is. If they get rid of the anti abortion wording the blue dogs will leave. If they don’t get rid of it then the progressives might bolt.
This demands real political ability. The Senate has to come up with a plan that will keep both blue dogs and progressives and this could be the issue that breaks the bill. The pressure on the Senate side is to get rid of the public option. Eliminate that and there is no reason at all for liberals to vote for the bill.
But I was raised catholic and I can feel that catholic training coming out. I don’t like abortion but the anarchist in me says it is a woman’s right to chose. To be perfectly honest I think it is a decision of both the father and the mother. I think both parents should be involved but in this world where peoples hearts are full of evil, wow! Where did that come from? Hearts full of evil, full of the devil, self will. We all think we know what is best and don’t realize we are wrong until it is too late.
I know I am full of devilry. I think I know what love is. I think I know what is going on and then my mind is blown and my life is shaken by the birth of a new life that enters the world like a flower breaking through concrete. I am a hard headed man. I never know love when I see it and I doubt what is in front of my eyes. I am a fool. Love delivered a child and took it away because I am not worthy. So I wander in the wilderness of my own wild heart wondering what it would be like to be in the center of the rose and not out here among the thorns. Perhaps this will make sense someday. Right now I am only lost in the wilderness of my soul and hope that I can be cleansed of the impurities that keep me from seeing the light.
Does that sound religious? Maybe it is. I studied to be a minister in my youth. I am someone who cares deeply and screws up royally.
We are all Hasan’s in our own way, each of us ready to blow it all up and destroy what we have for no reason but the pressure of our own lives. Some of it comes from without but some comes from within. It is carried within us like seeds of weeds that grow in our hearts and obstruct the view, block out the good seeds. Damn that is biblical. But it seems to be true. Each of us has frustrations in our lives that give us reason to want to blow things up. Hasan, a psychiatrist, an expert in the mind, went over the edge. I know how it could happen. You become full of despair, you don’t see any way out and then you strike, you want to take the world down with you. I know that feeling. When my first wife took my son away from me I felt that way. I wanted to go out in a suicide by cop. But I didn’t I rode it out and now I am here wondering why when life presents me with opportunities I blow them off. Or perhaps it is because I have bad timing. Everything in its own season. Judge not, lest ye be judged. So goes the saying. In my mind it means chill. Things will change and if it is good it will come. Or another way of putting it you get what you deserve.
But in that concept is the idea that you sow the seeds of your own success or failure in the actions you take day by day and surely there is mercy in the world or every child would get run over by every car that came by. But we live for a few years. We live long enough to realize that we don’t know a damn thing. And all of a sudden years of spiritual lessons are coming back to me. Uncomfortable lessons but we each have to learn what we have to learn and if we do, then perhaps we can move on to the next set of lessons and that seems to be what life is all about.
My girlfreind had a baby girl. She is beautiful.
Tags: Karma and Its Discontents., Love And Mistakes Made. Mercy And Goodness