Rationality and Irrationality
I live on the edge of a rational universe. I admire rationality but I constantly find myself attracted to women who are irrational to an extreme. I fell in love with a woman. I took care of her, supported her, treated her like a princess, and the princess found a pea in the mattress.
She rejected me and I am free again. I guess I will have to get my book published and forget about love. It is tough. I am someone who grew up on D.H. Lawrence. I believed in “Women In Love” and “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”. The concept of sexuality as a path to transformation, love that could transform, that was what I believed in. I tried to live that way. I believed in the school of zen inspiration in the arts. I deliberately deconditioned myself to become as spontaneous as an intellectual can be. I took drugs to break through mental blocks, to open myself up. I became a gnostic and a devotee to free myself of limiting rationality to discover the ultimate unitary reality underneath the surface.
In my mind there was a vision that on a higher level we all live as demi-gods, as angelic beings. Perhaps it was the result of too much acid, but I felt truly that each and every one of us was a microcosm of the universal truths and that we each one of us contained the basic truths that not only set one free but were the keys to the meaning of life.
This is a matter of unlearning conditioning and turning away from the shadows in the cave of Plato’s retreat. But are we able. I once stared into the sun for what seemed like hours. I ended up with a good sunburn and a deep impression that reality was magical. I have been outside of my head and in and out of time, at least in my experience. What good did it do me? At least in India I found a system of beliefs that would allow the debate to be taken seriously. It was a culture where the search for ultimate truths had been systematized. Unfortunately I did not find real truth seekers there. I found people interested in learning by rote the systems of exploration that had been developed centuries before. I found people buried in learning to memorise the words of others without any understanding of the essence. Now there is some rubbing off of essential truths just by considering the material. But I found too many people willing to become absorbed in wonder at the rituals and the sheer volume of stories that may be interesting but ultimately if they are not pathways to liberation then they are just stories.
What is the point of knowing all the names of god if you have no experience of god? Just chanting the name of god may clear your mind of clutter but it does not lead you to god. It leads you to become a good chanter. Now because there is a vibration attached to every thought and thinking on the name of god certainly does create a certain level of clarity but it does not lead you to know what to do with that clarity and that is the problem I have with the approach followed by the believers in Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. They know how to chant the name of the lord as George Harrison’s songs say. But just being free of the chains of mortality and the wheel of Karma is not enough. We need to do something with that understanding or we are wasting another life.
From that perspective I feel that this life is a failure because as much as I have strove to enter the kingdom, I have found myself to be a gawker at the gate. I have had my mind blown in chanting and in meetings where people were focusing energy on the focalizer of this spiritual energy. I have been able to heal wounds, and disperse clouds and even levitate. But what use is all that if all one does is phase in and out of focus. So what does this mean? It is not really that I am a total failure, I mean if there was a return to vibrational clarity and the clouds did disipate and a ray from above did beam down seeking a channel here to focus through I would be as ready as the next guy to handle it. But it seems a bit futile if that is all we are doing waiting for Godot. I left a spiritual community I had been with for seven years because when they told me that Jesus was the lord I knew in my heart that I might like Jesus as a guy but he sure was not my lord. I felt that I had been tricked. If they had told me years earlier that Jesus was all they were about then I would have moved on a lot earlier. Instead I had to dick around with them for years. They spoke a good story. Emissaries of Divine Light. It felt important enough. But the leader died and next leader said hey I don’t want to be god incarnate on earth so sorry folks, I am disbanding this Third School. Since then when I go on line I discover there are all kinds of Melchizedekian orders. There are so many schools of occult knowledge that you could spend your life just bopping from one to another. But just like the Indian system, the point is not to be a perpetual student, the point is to do something.
Where are the 144,000 or the 8 Billion or whatever it is? It is not a second coming. There never was a first. What we need is persons willing to be focuses of the spiritual energy that is moving the planet around in the universe. It is not mystical, it is merely science on a higher level. That is what we need to understand. This is science. It is not rote learning, it is not believing in some deity. It is participating in the science of living on a higher level.
There was an interesting concept that the Krisnas used to play with that intrigued me. It was that Krishna was the supreme pleasure principal of the universe. In other words he is not the working energy, not part of the universal factory system. He is like the king who gets to sit back and enjoy. But that is a misconception. A king that simply enjoys isn’t king for long. A king may enjoy on a certain level when relaxing and a true leader makes the hard work look easy. But ultimately the divine source is where the buck stops. This is focalization. It is a rotating function. That is why in the Beginning of the Bible the godhead is plural. Let us… it rotates. When you are tripping and reach the peak you are at the focus. The ball is in your court for that instant of the cosmic reality when all of the universe hangs in the balance and all depends on whether you scratch your butt or blow your nose. Although most of us would not do either when we are the focus. We are usually so blown away we are just glad to be there and relieved to pass it on to the next guy.
How many times have you crushed a cockroach and felt like Shiva the Destroyer, or given birth to a child? I make women pregnant with my eyes I am so potent says Krishna and each of us can say we have had those moments. Perhaps we like to wear our light under a lamp but when we are shining the whole universe dances to our step. Who has not spoken to the animals and heard them respond in a chorus of loving affection? We each of us have felt the rage that destroys and the love that melts. We have seen it all happen in the microcosm of our own lives and who can say at what point in the scale of the universe we sit. Are we mere breaths of Brahma or are we beads on Magister Ludi Game? We could be giants or microbes in the scale of things. We have no way to measure.
I love the way we play hide and seek with ourselves. We pretend to not know and then we forget and when we become enlightened we remember again. Some people only have that experience at birth and death. Others like me become addicted to the experience. It is not the end all of the universe. It is merely a point.
Science as we understand it is really a form of magic. What is dark matter but the unknown gods and the reality we are being taught in what is called science is simply the religion of counting facts. The earth has been counted as being 4.5 billion years old by counting the amount of uranium in lead. That is what Holmes discovered. At least that is what the science shows tell us. They are like nursery rhymes for adults.
I am losing my focus. I am saddened because my girlfriend says she doesn’t love me. I still don’t believe her. But she is trying my patience. So I will go on in the astral plane. After all there is no marriage in heaven. How could there be?
This is cool scientists are saying water came to the earth from meteorites. And if that is not the source of life, then I don’t know what is. Fire world becomes water world becomes a granite planet. All an allegory for the breaths of Brahma. Which is more poetic? Personally I think the are about equal. We are the yin to our own yang. The fire in my belly is perking up just thinking about my girlfriend returning from her long trip. Will she love me again. Tune in and find out?
Tags: The Rational and The Irrational. Return Of the Essentia