Got up too damn late! I take these sleeping pills to get any sleep at all and end up crashing out in the morning and waking after noon. It doesn’t help much, on the days I have school I just don’t sleep. Doctors say I will get back to a normal sleep pattern but I sure don’t know when. It has been a couple of months since I had my opiated sleep interrupted by a change in prescription. Since then I have had a hell of a time getting back into a daytime pattern of sleep.
Now that I have a girlfriend living with me, more or less, I at least have company at night. My other girlfriend doesn’t like being around my machine.
Interesting experience, I went to a Clippers Basketball game at Staples Auditorium with my old girlfriend. It’s a great place for a game. The crowd was large but the acoustics were good, and the game exciting because of the closeness of the score all through the game with Portland. Final score was 98-97. The crowd jumped up and roared as Portland failed to make a basket to even up the score, or to beat the Clippers. It was a nice night. I do not recommend going to Denny’s in Torrance around midnight on weekend nights. It is the only place open, it smells bad, service is marginal and the food often comes late and cold. Other times it is a great place to go.
I am in an interesting relationship, my girlfriend is a super model type, always going off on photo shoots, etc. Half my time is spent telling her how good she looks, seems super model girls need constant reassurance that they are as beautiful as they are. As much as I am a communist anarchist type, I like my girls looking fairly hot. Although I have gone out with girls that were not LA model beautiful, but living here, I have become more and more adapted to LA standards. Strange because I am now fairly average looking. I am no longer the sexy young guy I once was. So what am I doing with a super model type? Well, I don’t exactly know, other than I have a sympathetic temperament. A lot of guys would not be able to deal with their girl going off all the time, me, I just look at that as time to do my shit. Besides I like her stories of what happened to her. Stuff that might have been fun for me when I was younger, and in small doses still is, but now I am content to hear them, when I am not ready to try to keep up with a 21 year old. After all, I have to spend the night on dialysis so partying late into the early morning is not really much of an option. It makes me kind of a mook, but at least if I am going to be mooking around the house I have some nice eye candy. Besides she is smart and fun to be with.
Ok sappy stuff, not what you expect from me. Nothing hard hitting here, I am simply enjoying the first days of new love. It could turn to shit, or it could become a regular thing. Time, that great dictator, will tell. Meantime I have school, and a paper to write comparing Melville and Kafka. Not sure it was a great choice but I am sure I will find something to say.
Today I was thinking about how there are two kinds of people procreators and creators. I have left the realm of procreation, with its wage slavery, to a new life among the creators, people who are free to focus on their art and science. Sometimes they are lucky enough to be both, but often there has to be release, from one to become a participant in the other. I wonder if I still have the juices in me to be creative. Certainly that is what being back in school is all about. It would make an interesting story.
Thinking more about yesterday’s theme, I am seriously wondering if much of our culture is driven by fear of death, in the form of denial based in this extreme culture of sensuality, at least visual sensuality. But I am thinking of urban culture, rural culture, which is dirty and funky and definitely not sexy, is a form of reaction that has been cultivated by the American media. Watch any late night programing on cable and it is full of swamp people, Squidbillies (on Adult Swim, great show), bounty hunters and people in prison. I wonder if those prisoners are getting royalties for participating in reality TV?
This has nothing to do with the general strike coming up. It does have to do with broadening my scope and learning to deal with a new set of realities. The old hippie, punk rock world of my friends is gone. I am in a hip-hop nation where glamour and style are as important as loyalty and reliability. It is important to me that I understand cultural developments and participate at least to some degree, rather than sit on my pompous butt and talk about stuff that happened 30 years ago as if it was yesterday. Today is a new world, what I am trying to see is how much of the enlightenment culture from the 18th century to today has survived and what that means to the future of humanity. With the end of Gutenberg technology, and the entrance of light speed technology into the daily lives, we don’t really have a name for this period yet, it might be named after the inventor of the internet, or the personal computer. So we are on our way into the space age, one in which rocket’s red glare will me something other than patriotic Americans, because soon there won’t be petrol for the rockets to blast with. No it will be totally different technology by the end of the century, and humans will be dealing with a different reality. What an adventure, what will it be?